A post I wrote when the Wingman was about two months old….
A few weeks ago when I was feeling especially sleep deprived, I made a confession to my husband. I was having a hard time praying.
It went a little something like this. 2:00 am….the Wingman wakes up crying, ready to eat. With blurred eyes and sometimes spinning head, I feed him and then wait….wait….for him to fall asleep. While I wait, I might watch a show on Netflix…or possibly play a game on my phone. Soon, I look down at his little face and with great jubilation, I see that he is fast asleep. I test it a little bit, touching him to see if he moves. No movement. Yay! This kid is OUT!!
This process usually takes about an hour, so by now it’s close to 3:00 am. Carefully, carefully I move one of my legs off the bed. Then the second leg. Slowly, I walk over to the crib. Gently, I place him in it. “Please, God, please let him stay asleep.” The Wingman squirms. “Please.” His eyes open. “God, you don’t understand. I’m exhausted. Please let him fall back sleep.” But, no. The Wingman was awake. This went on night after night.
Eventually, (and here you might laugh) I thought that I shouldn’t even pray, because God obviously does the opposite of what I pray for. I even was scared to pray for protection for my husband’s flights, because I “knew” that if I prayed for protection, he would crash. I would like to blame this line of reasoning on sleep deprivation, but (while I’m sure that contributed) it was more than that. I had the wrong view of prayer.
Thankfully, God has given me a very wise husband. He talked to me about prayer and about how God works through prayer. But then he said something like, “Instead of praying for those things that may or may not happen, pray for things that you know God wants for you. Pray for strength and for patience.” This blew my mind. Of course! Immediately, I felt such freedom from the burden I put myself under.
When I pray for those things that I know are in God’s will….I have been amazed at how He answers those prayers. The Wingman might still be wide awake but I know I can get through it. Now, I am far from perfect. Very far from perfect. (Middle of the night meltdown last night, anyone?) But it has been so helpful to me to know that God doesn’t promise me a full night’s sleep. (Right now I’m doubting that will ever happen again!) He does promise, however, that we have the power of the Holy Spirit and the example of Christ.
I was also super encouraged by this post. Glad to know I’m not the only one! I love how Joanna talks about prayer, sanctification, and the calling of motherhood.
Love this, Bonnie. So honest. ❤
Love this perspective! I’ve been through the same thing as you… so often! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
So glad God has blessed you with a wonderful husband! 😀
I used to (okay, I still struggle with it sometimes) have that same paranoia about praying. It’s amazing how much God accomplishes in us when we pray according to His will.
I’m back in this stage now… Pearl is 6 weeks old and so it’s sleepless nights once again. We co-sleep though, as I find I can never get her down in her crib. Last night I got her to sleep and tried to put her in her bassinet so spend some time with my hubby, but she was awake again in twenty minutes and then it took me another three hours to get her to sleep again. Leaving me wishing I’d just gone to bed with her in the first place instead of trying to put her down!!! 🙂 As you say, I should pray more… 🙂