Your TTC journey probably looks nothing like what you envisioned. It’s probably not what you would have prayed for or requested.
It is okay to grieve.
It is okay to grieve the loss of your child.
It is okay to grieve the loss of your dream to have a child.
It is okay to grieve the loss of your dream to have more children.
When I realized that I was stopped in my tracks.
Letting go of your dreams is a hard hard thing. To realize the things that you longed for that will never happen.
We will never have a sibling close in age to our Wingman. I was kind of holding onto that fact deep down and I think that it was causing even more stress because I wanted so desperately to have a little buddy for him. Our desire was to have children fairly close together. And now that will never happen.
I grieved. I cried. I hurt. And I definitely sometimes do still grieve, cry, and hurt over that fact.
But there is also freedom that comes in grieving and letting go of that dream. In realizing that now our future will have a new dream.
It may not be what I would have wanted, but I know that somehow it will be perfect for our family.
It is much harder to accept when it is the loss of a child. I still wrestle with the “why” of that one. And I don’t have the answers except that I know that somewhere in the midst of all my questions, God is good and He is loving my sweet babies right now.
Some grief you might be able to move past. Some grief, like the loss of a child, will probably stay with you forever.
All throughout the Bible we see stories of people experiencing deep grief and anguish. Do not be afraid or ashamed to grieve.