Legally I have been an adult for seven years.
Sometime in the past two years I have truly become an adult.
Life has literally flipped over. In almost every way. Much has come out to haunt me and plague my mind. I have spent time wondering about much of my past. I have many regrets about things that I was or was not able to do that affected how I was not really an adult sooner.
But the past is the past. And honestly, the past has made me who I am today. For that I am thankful.
I can’t put my finger on what it was that caused me to become an adult. Obviously, getting married and having a baby served to catapult me into real adult life. But somewhere in between moving out of state, experiencing deep pain and emotional trauma, rethinking literally every thought that has come into my head, stripping away the old, tearing down preconceived ideas, learning what true Christianity is and so much more…..I became an adult.
One of the big changes is realizing that I do not have to please everyone. Of course, I always knew that. How many times have we all heard, “You can’t please everyone!” I had put this burden on myself though. I needed to obey and please everyone. The right thing to do is to always concede to the other’s point of view (even if I argued my point, I “knew” I was wrong). It would devastate me if I knew someone was disappointed in me. I couldn’t bear the thought of letting people down.
But it is so true…..you cannot. please. everyone. Nor should you. I have come into my own and finally figured out some of who I am as a person and what I believe and think and feel. Being an adult can also be quite alienating, as my beliefs and opinions are radically different from so many people. In some ways, I am too liberal for the conservatives, and in other ways I am too conservative for the liberals.
My goal though is not to blend in. My goal is not to go with the flow. My goal is to honor the Lord and please Him. My goal is to do what He has called me to do. What He has called our family to do.
If that doesn’t look like anybody else, that is ok. I don’t need to argue my point. I don’t need to defer to others. I don’t need to worry about offending people just because I am doing what I think is best. I don’t even need people to understand my point of view.
It has been a hard journey. But well worth it. I am still learning how to own my beliefs and choices. And I am know that while I must confidently own those decisions, I must not allow myself to become arrogant or self-righteous.
Life isn’t always what we would wish or hope for. But we each have our unique, individual journeys. Here we go on the start of a new chapter of mine!
“In some ways, I am too liberal for the conservatives, and in other ways I am too conservative for the liberals.”
So, so much truth. In growing we learn that life isn’t as simple as we thought it was? But on the other hand it’s very simple- we are to honor God and live our lives to *His* glory. And that is going to look very different in different peoples lives.
This is a hard process, I agree. I went through this during university, when I was surrounded by a group of great friends and realized that they accepted me for who I was, and I could be myself without worrying about trying to fit in or become someone else in order to be liked. That was a huge revelation for me, because before that, I was so desperate for friends (and love) that I was a people pleaser like you. Like you say, you have to do what God calls you to do, and that will probably look different than what He calls anyone else to do. 🙂 Blessings to you on this journey! 🙂
You and I have differing views on so many things and yet we are friends. It’s funny how you can be pleasing to be around without pleasing someone. I’m glad you’re able to shuck the shackles of being a “people pleaser” though. And welcome to adulthood.
Beautifully written! I am right there with you on this – and I’m older, so you’re making great time! 😉