Dear Mom who is trying to conceive (TTC),

First of all, I want to give you a big hug.  I wish that I could sit down with you right now and just talk.  Or not talk.  Cry.  Pray.  Whatever it is that you need.  I wish I could be there right now.

TTC is not fun.

There is nothing like the tears that fall as you look at another negative pregnancy test or crying in your husband’s arms as you tell him the news.

There is nothing like seeing the news of a friend’s pregnancy on Facebook the same day you knew you were not pregnant.

There is nothing like well-meaning people whose words are like barbs as they say, “You’re still young.” “Don’t worry about it.”  “You can always adopt.”  “So when are you starting a family?” or “When is #2 coming?”

There is nothing that is quite so devastating as TTC.  It can overwhelm you and cut to the very core of your mind and heart.  The lies and fears seep in.  “What if something is wrong with me?”  “I am a failure as a woman.”  “I am a failure as a wife.”

And yet there is nothing that can test and grow you quite like TTC.

I have spent so much time tracking my cycle, studying the calendar, taking supplements, and above all trying not to stress.  And the more I try not to stress, the easier it is to stress.  I think that is the hardest piece of advice.  While there are countless stories of women who have conceived once they let go of the stress of TRYING to conceive…..how in the world do you let go of such a huge, weighty, God-given desire?

While the pain is real….God’s presence is also real.  Take heart, friend.  Rest in the knowledge that He is right by your side as you look down at the negative pregnancy test.  His arms are wrapped around you and your husband as you cling to each other.  Your tears are not unnoticed.

We may never know why it happens.  Why we have trouble conceiving while others can get pregnant without hardly trying or as the result of a one night stand.  But we can know that we are not alone.  We can take comfort in the fact that it is He who opens and closes the womb, regardless of how much we try or how many supplements we are taking.  Somehow, someway, this is His plan.

It is easy to feel like we are all alone in this.  That there is no one to talk to who could understand.  Every story is indeed unique, but know that you are not alone.  The details might be different, but there are other ladies, probably that you know in real life and definitely in online communities or groups, that you can talk with.  Having support from someone who understands is so helpful.  It is hard to open up and there might be seasons in which you need to pull back and that’s ok.  But resist the temptation to isolate yourself completely.

I am praying for you, my friend.  You, the regular reader who is trying to become pregnant.  You, the stranger who stumbled across my blog.  Whoever you are, and however you found this post, know that I am praying and that I would hug you if I could.  Feel free to email me at lifewithyou1222 (at) gmail (dot) com.

-Bonnie

P.S. This is a great post called 10 Ways I Will be Dealing with this Negative Pregnancy Test.