How My Miscarriages Speak to the Pro-Life Movement

17 Comments

I am pro-life.

Pro-Life Miscarriage

Pro-Life

For the sake of simplicity for this post, that means that I am 100% for the lives of the unborn and I do not believe that abortion is an ok alternative.

I believe that life begins at conception.  And no one should have the power to take that life.  Calculatingly stopping the life of another human being = killing them.

Harsh words, I know.  I wish there was some way to sugar coat it.  I don’t like to think about it.  But if the unborn is a human life….there is no way around the fact that abortion kills that life.

I will not focus much on abortion right now because that is not the purpose of this post.  But it is important to state my beliefs on that before I continue.

What is the unborn?  That is the crux of the abortion question.  If it is nothing but a blob of cells, abortion shouldn’t matter.  But if it is a life, it changes the whole question.

What is the unborn?  As a pro-life person I believe it is always, 100% of the time, a human being, just like you and me.  So I write this post to my fellow pro-lifers.

If we get so caught up in the abortion debate….if it hurts our hearts and breaks us up to see pictures and videos of babies being aborted….if we grieve every year on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade….if we volunteer and pray and work to try to save the lives of the unborn…..

….we value that life.

What is the unborn in the case of a miscarriage?

The answer should be obvious and I know that most pro-lifers would agree.  It is a baby.

But why is it that a miscarriage, especially an early miscarriage, is not treated as such?

I want to scream out the window, “My babies died!!!”

My BABIES died.

My babies DIED.

Instead, I am expected to quietly move on.  No one mentions it.  My children are forgotten by all but me and my husband and perhaps a select few others.  We are told to just try again in a few cycles.  We are told that it is time to move on.  We are told to just be thankful we already have one child. It is counter-cultural when I choose to post about it on Facebook six months later.  Christians say that we need to just trust God….to put on a grateful smile and move on.

People don’t know what to do with it.  They don’t know what to say.  And trust me I know that it is hard to know what to say to a grieving person.  I get that.  But in silence, we are denying the lives of the unborn.

I am a part of several miscarriage support groups.  And all. the. time. there are posts of women feeling so alone, so isolated.  Posts where women tell stories of absolutely heart-breaking things that others have said to them.  Cruel things against their babies and their pregnancies.  Posts where women cry and wonder why they aren’t allowed to talk about their children.

We have to suck it up.  We have to be strong.  We have to carry our pain and grief all alone.

What is the unborn?

The unborn are babies. Human beings with souls, made in the image of God.  Worthy of dignity, worthy of respect, worthy of love, worthy to be known.

So no I am not over my grief.  It has changed over the past 6 months.  But it is still there.  It is still deep.  My arms still physically ache sometimes because they never got to hold or caress my beloved children.  The physical pain in my heart is indescribable.

I’m not strong.  I am a mother who is broken.  A mother who has had to say good-bye to two of her children.  That is a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  I am a mother who has to wake up each day, knowing that I “should” have three children with me to take care of, but instead I only have one.

I am thankful, unbelievably thankful, for our son.  But he doesn’t replace my other children.  Future children will not replace the two children that we have lost.  Having one child already doesn’t magically take the pain away from having two other children die.

Grief is the evidence of great love.  My children were and are loved so much.  I will never forget them.  I will never stop grieving.  I will not apologize for thinking of them or for talking about them.  They were real.  They were mine.

I rejoice that they are in the presence of Perfect Love right now.  As much as it pains me to know that I cannot hold them or tell them how much their mommy loves them, I know that God is loving them in my absence and loving them so much better and more fully than I ever could.  I trust God because I know that He is grieved by this effect of the curse and He is walking beside me in the midst of my deepest pain.

And I absolutely cannot wait for the reunion when I get to heaven.  To finally be able to see the faces of my precious babies, to hold them close, to tell them how much I love them and how absolutely wonderful they are.

Because they are my children.  They weren’t just the unborn.  They weren’t just pregnancies.  They are my children.

-Bonnie

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17 thoughts on “How My Miscarriages Speak to the Pro-Life Movement

  1. Hugs, Bonnie. I hear your pain. I haven’t suffered miscarriage, but I have friends who have. I’ve wept several times over with one friend of mine, because her babies will never play with my daughters. They are dancing with Jesus, but they won’t dance with my girls. Thanks for sharing this. I agree with you that miscarriages are brushed aside in our society today and shouldn’t be.

  2. Well said Bonnie! You captured what so many of us feel. Still praying that you and many other sweet friends get to someday soon hold your miracle rainbow babies. ♡

  3. You are absolutely right! Miscarriages are heartbreaking because, just as you said, it is the loss of a child! My heart grieves with you over the loss of yours! ❤

  4. Amen, my sister. I am so sorry for your loses. The life of one does not and will not ever replace the lives of the lost ones. I still grieve for my one in heaven even though on earth I have three. I pray He will bless you with more babies to care for on earth.

  5. Good and interesting point you make about how people treat miscarriages differently. One of my friends still refer to her miscarried baby by his name til this day, and I absolutely love that. I don’t see or hear that very often. Blessing to you! My your heart be filled with God’s perfect love. Your baby is safe in God’s arms, dear mama.

  6. Wow! Your vulnerability in this post is admirable and many of us should look to you as an example of how to be open and honest about our lives and our griefs. Thank you for sharing!

  7. Bonnie, thank you so much for writing this and sharing your story. I’m still recovering from my miscarriage that was exactly a year ago. I have had the hardest time this month with the year anniversary of losing my baby. I really needed to hear from someone who has been there too.

  8. I love this. Sometimes my husband and I feel like our daughter is only remembered and loved by us. It can be a painful and lonely thing. Thanks so much for sharing!

  9. Beautifully and written Bonnie. I am so sorry that on top of your grief and hurt you have been through ask of this too. I never really understood how much grief that a miscarriage caused until I saw it through the eyes of someone close to me. I still think of your loss and pray for you. I should be better about reaching out to let you know.

  10. Wow, powerful. Thank you for sharing your honest in an authentic and very real way. Truly amazing.
    Cathy

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