For a while now I have been pondering the idea of identity.
God’s timetable is very often not our own. Most recently this is demonstrated in my life by the fact that He has chosen for us to not yet be pregnant.
The past several months have been incredible months of learning again what it means to really trust God. But it hasn’t always been easy. As I spend time thinking about it all, I am reminded that motherhood is not my identity. It’s not who I am, it’s not my main focus, it’s not what drives me, it’s not what makes me me. If being a mother or not can change the core of who I am, that’s a problem.
Who am I? What is my identity? My identity is in Christ. I must be founded in Christ. He is the One that makes me who I am, He is the One who I must identify with and pursue and invest in.
If God chooses for the Pilot and I to be parents, then GREAT! And of course that will change…just about everything in our lives. But it can’t be my identity. My identity must first and foremost be in Christ. Who I am…and my purpose in life…is not determined by what I do. Not being a mother doesn’t call into a question who I am as a person or as a woman (although sometimes I feel like it does!) My identity, worth, and value is determined only by Christ. And as He brings things into my life (my sweet husband, children, job, college, family, friends, moves, etc) my responsibilities will change. But always as it relates to God and His perfect purpose for me.
There are so many aspects of identity in Christ…here are only a few of the passages that talk about some of those aspects:
Colossians 2:13-14, “And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the
uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together
with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses,
by canceling the record of debt that
stood against us with its legal demands.
This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.”
Psalm 139:13-16, “For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.”
Ephesians 2:10, “For we are his workmanship,
created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
Philippians 3:20, “But our citizenship is in heaven,
and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.”
Thank you so much for posting this, Bonnie. I have been dealing with the same thing for some time, as you know, and what you have written is a blessing to me. It is SO difficult…especially with such a strong desire to be mothers, as we both have, to remember that we won’t be any less of a woman or even a woman of God if He does not allow us to bear children. Thank you for posting this, again! 🙂