Judging Those Judgers
4 CommentsYou know what is weird to me?
It’s weird to me that the church is so anti-legalism and anti-judgmentalism……that they are judgmental about it.
I have always found that ironic.
Growing up, we frequently had people accusing us of legalism and judgmentalism. Looking back, I can understand more of why they perceived it that way, although I still think that in many cases they were wrong.
What they were definitely wrong about though? They were definitely wrong about a couple things
1. Lumping us all together. Because our family as a unit did or practiced certain things, therefore all of our hearts were legalistic and we were judging all other people who did differently. This doesn’t even make sense. All people are unique individuals and all people are at different points in their walks with God. Maybe we were all legalistic. Maybe half of us were. Maybe only one of us was. Maybe none of us was. To say that all of us were legalistic is a huge assumption.
2. Judging our hearts. I have seen this so many times. It hits me pretty hard because I have been personally attacked so many times. It hurts a lot to be accused and it can be so hard to get false accusations out of your head and heart. Judging the status of people’s hearts before God is going a bit far.
People assumed the motivation behind our choices.
People were upset at us for judging them.
People talked about us behind our backs and said painful things.
People wouldn’t even talk to us to ask why we did what we did. They assumed.
In short…people judged us for our conservative choices. Our whole family was a taboo. My husband had a couple people telling him he should not marry me because of a few specific things. That weren’t even true. I thank God that the Pilot didn’t listen to them and instead got to know me and got to know the truth.
Did I have legalism in my life? Yes. But I think that the situations in which I was legalistic would surprise most people. I still have people who have painted me into a box and refuse to see any other colors on the canvas. Preconceived ideas and notions keep people from getting to know me.
Why are people labeled as judgmental and legalistic just for being conservative?
And why is it ok to judge people’s conservative choices?
And why is it ok to judge conservatives for judging you?
I get that it is a complicated issue. I get that a lot of times conservative choices can be legalistic. (News flash: Choices made in the name of “Christian liberty” can also be legalistic!) I get that there is a lot of baggage surrounding the whole issue.
But judgment isn’t the answer. To accuse someone of legalism, especially without knowing the facts or the state of their heart, is judgmentalism.
If you are concerned about someone, by all means talk to them. Please do not make accusations. Do not talk behind their back. Do not assume.
And please be careful casting the first stone. Legalism comes in many forms, and so does judgmentalism.
Standards, conservative or not, come down to a person’s personal relationship with God. We ought not judge “liberal” people or “conservative” people simply for making choices that are different from ours.
I understand this post could seem ironic. I don’t intend to judge others in my comments about judging. 😉 I merely hope to spark conversation or perhaps cause each of us to stop and think about our thoughts and words toward others.
Thoughts?
-Bonnie
Where is the Authenticity?
2 CommentsOne of the main things that I see lacking in today’s Christian church is authenticity. Where is the authenticity in the community of believers?
We live in these bubbles, whether to protect ourselves or in some attempt to not reflect badly on our Savior, I don’t know. But I have discovered that it is rare to truly live in community.
Community. That’s a buzz word these days. Typically I don’t like buzz words. But sometimes they are golden. This one is golden.
I don’t know how many times I have heard Christian pastors, speakers, and authors say things like, “Before I was a Christian, I did x, y, and z. After I became a Christian, though, God changed my life and even though I might sin every now and then, my life is changed.”
Every now and then? Is this for real right now? Am I really the only Christian that consistently and habitually sins multiple times every day? Somehow I don’t think so.
Where are the Christians who are real about their sins?
Where are the Christians who admit their struggles?
Where are the Christians who talk about their doubts and questions?
In honesty, the Christian culture today is not welcoming toward people who might want to be real and authentic. You might get gawked at. People might be so stunned they don’t know how to respond, so they just sit there quietly. Someone might start dousing you with all the right Bible verses in order to fix you.
Where are the Christians who know how to listen?
Where are the Christians who know how to truly rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep?
Where are the Christians who walk alongside people instead of trying to fix them?
Community is about doing life together. You can’t really do life with people that you don’t know anything about. And you can’t do life with people if you are insulating yourself and not opening up to others.
It takes courage. It is not easy opening up to people, not knowing how they will respond. But we must practice authenticity. Being the body of Christ means ministering to other’s needs and also allowing others to minister to your needs.
-Bonnie
The Joy of a Child
1 CommentYou know one of the (many) things I love about our son? He loves life.
It’s so funny to me how we can just be going about our day and suddenly he’ll say, “Doggy!” I’ll stop and listen for a second and sure enough, there is a dog barking in the distance. Or when we’re driving down the road and he gets so excited in the back seat because he sees a truck.
It is super adorable.
Sometimes I just get down on his level and look around. What is life like when you’re only a couple feet tall? What kinds of things do you see and hear? Everything is still new to him. Everything is still awesome to him. He just plain loves life.
We adults are so used to just tuning things out. We are used to the noises and distractions, so we can tune everything out and focus in on whatever it is we want to concentrate on. Or we bury our noses in our phones and forget to just look around.
I’ve enjoyed the little reminders from my son to just take a second to stop and notice things. Things that normally I might take for granted but if I stop and think about it it’s actually pretty awesome.
What do you notice around you right now? What awesome things are going on in your life?
-Bonnie
Blogger Men Tell All – April Edition
2 CommentsYay!! My favorite blog link-up is here again! 😀 A monthly post from my man…
1. What is the last song you listened to?
The Pilot: Church.
Me: That’s not a song.
The Pilot: What was it? 10,000 Reasons?
2. What would you sing at a karaoke night?
The Pilot: (thinks long and hard) Something from Celtic Thunder.
3. Would you describe yourself as an introvert or an extrovert?
The Pilot: Extrovert.
4. What is one thing you will never do again?
The Pilot: Marry you.
(I’m shocked)
The Pilot: We’re already married, I can’t do it again!
(We both crack up laughing)
5. How do you think [your blogger] has benefited from blogging?
The Pilot: It’s helped you pen your thoughts and opened up your communication.
😀 😀 😀
He’s so cute!!
You Know You’re a Mom When…
8 CommentsBeing a Mom is awesome. It really is. But sometimes there are the more unique aspects of motherhood that only a Mom can understand. I asked a bunch of my Mom friends for help in making this list. Sometimes you just gotta laugh at what motherhood hands you! 😀 So I present you with…
You Know You’re a Mom When….
1. You rock back and forth even when you are not holding a baby.
2. You don’t care if you have another person’s poop on you.
3. You don’t remember what it was like to shower daily.
4. Hot food, alone time, and shopping are all distant memories.
5. You know exactly how many months it has been since you had a full night’s sleep.
6. When you find yourself constantly saying to not eat objects that are not edible.
7. When fixing your hair is an accomplishment.
8. When you get dressed up, makeup and all, just for a trip to the grocery store when Daddy has the baby.
9. When you will drive around for hours because you are desperately trying to get a cranky baby to fall asleep.
10. When you sit in the driveway with the car running because the baby just fell asleep and you don’t want to wake them up.
11. You enter any store and head straight to the baby/children’s section.
12. You feel naked if you leave the house without Cheerios and a sippy cup.
13. You think that ringing the doorbell during bedtime/nap time is unforgivable.
14. You know the songs/tunes to annoying baby toys.
15. When you smell something funny and you automatically smell the butt.
16. You find pacifiers, bottles, and/or onesies in your purse.
17. You realize you can count on one hand the times you have actually carried a purse instead of a diaper bag.
18. There is Sharpie on your walls.
19. You have to hide your sacred chocolate.
20. You wash little bed sheets every day.
21. You go through 4-6 gallons of milk a week.
22. Private bathroom time is a thing of the past.
23. Every piece of fruit in the fruit basket has little bites in it.
24. You’ve gotten used to ice cream soup since it always melts while you’re taking care of the kids.
25. You get excited about 4 straight hours of sleep (and your non-Mom friends look at you with wondering pity).
26. You can change a diaper in 4 seconds flat.
27. You no longer wear jewelry but spit up is your new accessory.
28. You say “potty” instead of “restroom” or “ladies room” like most adults.
29. Your one year old’s improved bowel movement not only makes the dinner conversation but is also the highlight of the day.
30. When you can no longer fathom staying up into the wee hours of the morning….on purpose.
31. When you haven’t shaved your legs in so long, your child uses the stubble as a sensory game.
What would you add to this list? 🙂
-Bonnie
My Latest Obsession
7 CommentsYou guys.
Paparazzi Jewelry.
I am obsessed.
I was invited to a Facebook party with Paparazzi Jewelry and I was kind of confused and wasn’t really interested. Then my friend signed up as a consultant and I attended one of her parties. I was HOOKED.
All jewelry is $5. Or less. And the majority of the necklaces come with a matching pair of earrings. Still for $5.
Here are a few of my favorite pieces…
Fun bracelet!
These cute studs are technically for kids…
but hey! I liked them! And they were only $1!!
These are earrings…but I couldn’t get my camera to cooperate
with me wearing them. haha
Favorite earrings from Paparazzi!
My latest Paparazzi necklace that I love!
Check out my friend’s Paparazzi site. Like her Facebook page here to find out about her upcoming parties. They are FUN, fast paced, and intense!
-Bonnie
From Around Blog Land
1 CommentThe Seven Year Sifter: Keeping Friendships Purposeful Past Their “Prime” – I have read this post a couple times and I know I will read it again. Friendships and people are intensely important to me and things like growing up and living in three different states so far makes this post so difficult yet so relevant and helpful!
Why Don’t the Guys in my Church Ask Women on Dates? – Important things to think about.
Are we Parenting Imaginary Children? – “When I began to parent my real children, I let go of unrealistic expectations.”
To Moms of One or Two Children from a Mother of Five – I love this!! So helpful and practical regardless of how many children you have. I also love it because it seems like in some circles there is definitely the comparison that if you only have one child you have it easy or it isn’t as hard.
Fatigue is not a Sin – “We need Him when we’re supermoms; we need Him when we’re tired.”
10 Ways I Will be Dealing with this Negative Pregnancy Test – So, so good.
Three Immodestly Dressed Women Walk into Church – Yes, I know, yet another modesty post. 😉 But this one is good!
To the Woman Who is TTC
8 CommentsDear Mom who is trying to conceive (TTC),
First of all, I want to give you a big hug. I wish that I could sit down with you right now and just talk. Or not talk. Cry. Pray. Whatever it is that you need. I wish I could be there right now.
TTC is not fun.
There is nothing like the tears that fall as you look at another negative pregnancy test or crying in your husband’s arms as you tell him the news.
There is nothing like seeing the news of a friend’s pregnancy on Facebook the same day you knew you were not pregnant.
There is nothing like well-meaning people whose words are like barbs as they say, “You’re still young.” “Don’t worry about it.” “You can always adopt.” “So when are you starting a family?” or “When is #2 coming?”
There is nothing that is quite so devastating as TTC. It can overwhelm you and cut to the very core of your mind and heart. The lies and fears seep in. “What if something is wrong with me?” “I am a failure as a woman.” “I am a failure as a wife.”
And yet there is nothing that can test and grow you quite like TTC.
I have spent so much time tracking my cycle, studying the calendar, taking supplements, and above all trying not to stress. And the more I try not to stress, the easier it is to stress. I think that is the hardest piece of advice. While there are countless stories of women who have conceived once they let go of the stress of TRYING to conceive…..how in the world do you let go of such a huge, weighty, God-given desire?
While the pain is real….God’s presence is also real. Take heart, friend. Rest in the knowledge that He is right by your side as you look down at the negative pregnancy test. His arms are wrapped around you and your husband as you cling to each other. Your tears are not unnoticed.
We may never know why it happens. Why we have trouble conceiving while others can get pregnant without hardly trying or as the result of a one night stand. But we can know that we are not alone. We can take comfort in the fact that it is He who opens and closes the womb, regardless of how much we try or how many supplements we are taking. Somehow, someway, this is His plan.
It is easy to feel like we are all alone in this. That there is no one to talk to who could understand. Every story is indeed unique, but know that you are not alone. The details might be different, but there are other ladies, probably that you know in real life and definitely in online communities or groups, that you can talk with. Having support from someone who understands is so helpful. It is hard to open up and there might be seasons in which you need to pull back and that’s ok. But resist the temptation to isolate yourself completely.
I am praying for you, my friend. You, the regular reader who is trying to become pregnant. You, the stranger who stumbled across my blog. Whoever you are, and however you found this post, know that I am praying and that I would hug you if I could. Feel free to email me at lifewithyou1222 (at) gmail (dot) com.
-Bonnie
P.S. This is a great post called 10 Ways I Will be Dealing with this Negative Pregnancy Test.
January – March Reading
Leave a commentNot much reading again, but at least I got a few books in. 🙂
Fiction:
The Patmos Deception by Davis Bunn (review posted here)
Nonfiction:
Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
The Passion Principles by Shannon Ethridge
Currently Reading…
Beyond I Do by Jennifer Slattery
I Tried Until I Almost Died by Sandra McCollom
So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore
Life with You 
