Another book that I needed.  Spoken for by Robin Jones Gunn and Alyssa Bethke.

I knew that God loved me.  I grew up singing “Jesus Loves Me.”  I don’t know when or how I started to doubt.  But somewhere along the way it happened.

Could God really care for me?  Doesn’t my sin push Him away?  Didn’t that sin I just committed push Him over the edge?  Doesn’t He get tired of me?

This book talks about how God is relentlessly pursuing you.  It talks about the verses where God is likened to a bridegroom rejoicing over you – His bride.

So often I have heard God’s love downplayed.  That phrases like “passionate love” and “great romance” lower God’s love to us to the realm of a touch-feely romance.  I must beg to differ.

When I think of how much my husband loved me on our wedding day…..that is a ton of love.  If God is likened to a bridegroom….that is some serious, passionate love.

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us.” – 1 John 3:1

“As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
so shall your God rejoice over you.” – Isaiah 62:5

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in
Christ Jesus.” – Romans 8:1

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end.  They are
new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
-Lamentations 3:22-23

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is,
there is freedom.”  – 2 Corinthians 3:17

That is some deep, deep love.

At one point in the book, Robin shares a story of how her husband told her she apologized too much.  Always apologizing for things that she didn’t even do.  My husband and I have had that very conversation many times.

“That’s a trap of the enemy,’ he said.

‘A trap? What do you mean?’

He reassured me that if I apologized or asked forgiveness for my mistake, then that was the end of it.  In God’s eyes, my sin was tossed into the deepest sea.  It was ridiculous for me to paddle out and fish around to pull my failures back up just so I could hold them high to say, ‘Look at how I messed up.  I’m so sorry.'”

That is exactly how I have acted so many times.  But the Bible tells us that our sins are removed as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).  And the Bible also says that God’s word is completely true (Joshua 21:45, Numbers 23:19, John 17:17).

This book talked about how I am precious to God.  Me.  Precious.

I don’t believe this concept is too far fetched.  God is likened to a Father many times throughout Scripture.  When I think about my love for my son and how precious he is to me….I realize that that is the kind of love God has for me.  Not stoic, stagnant, theological love.  Real love.  Real feelings.  Real delight.  Real joy.  For me.

This book talked about how God pursues me.  Even in the Garden of Eden, God set the precedent.  Adam and Eve sinned, and still God came to them.  He knew 100% that they had sinned.  That they had failed Him.  And yet He still came.  He initiated.  He pursued.

This book talked about how God loves me.  I realized how much I was believing that love is temperamental….it can come and go.  That one day a person can be happy and in love, the next day they can be cranky, frustrated, and upset at you.  But God is not a person.  He is true love.  He is pure love.  God’s love came to me when I was yet a sinner.  He began the pursuit when I was a sinner.  He is not shocked now by my sin, by my mistakes.  He chose me in the midst of my sin.

This book was huge.  I desperately needed to know and believe the love of God toward me.  It spoke to my heart.  The knowledge of God’s love is absolutely life-changing.

-Bonnie

In the midst of all of this, I remembered a book that has been sitting on my shelf for years.  I decided to finally pull it off the shelf and read it.

When the Darkness Will Not Lift by John Piper……oh my goodness.  I needed that.  It wasn’t a long, in-depth, “religious” book.  It’s 79 pages and written perfectly for the depressed, discouraged, jaded, and weary.

He talks about that mustard seed of faith.  Even if it is minuscule…even if it is a mustard seed….it is still faith.  I don’t have to try to increase my faith.  I don’t have to try so hard to get mountain moving, earth shaking faith.  I just need faith.

I don’t need to be so ashamed at church because I am not focusing on the hymns and because my heart is shaky repeating some of the lyrics.  Those parts of the lyrics I can sing?  That is my faith.  I can own that.  Rejoice in that.  That part of my heart is real.  That is Jesus working.

“Stop looking at your faith.  And rivet your attention on Christ.”  – page 41

Over and over and over this book ministered to my very soul.

“It is utterly crucial that in our darkness we affirm the wise, strong hand o God to hold us, even when we have no strength to hold him.” – pg 37

It was so reassuring to know that I am not the only one who has felt like I simply cannot hold on any longer.  And so reassuring to realize…..I don’t have to.

“Our faith rises and falls.  It has degrees.  But our security does not rise and fall.  It has no degrees.  We must persevere in faith.  That’s true.  But there are times when our faith is the size of a mustard seed and barely visible.  In fact, the darkest experience for the child of a God is when his faith sinks out of his own sight.  Not out of God’s sight, but out of his own sight.  Yes, it is possible to be so overwhelmed with darkness that you do not know if you are a Christian – and yet still be one.” – pg. 38

Again…..hugely reassuring to know that I was not alone in feeling this way.  I was not a bad Christian.  And even on my darkest days, God’s vision never faltered, His hand never wavered.  He could still see me and He was still holding me.

He quoted from Richard Baxter: “Say not, that you are unfit for thanks and praises unless you have a praising heart and were the children of God: for every man, good and bad, is bound to praise God, and to be thankful for all that he hath received, and to do it as well as he can, rather than leave it undone….Doing it as you can is the way to be able to do it better.  Thanksgiving stirrteth up thankfulness in the heart.” – pg 52

“The decisive blow against Satan’s destructive power was delivered by the death of Jesus for our sins (Col. 2:15; Heb. 2:14).  This means that Satan can harass us and even kill us, but he cannot destroy us.  Only unforgiven sin can damn the human soul.  If Christ has covered all our sin by his blood, and if God imputes to us the perfect righteousness of Christ, then Satan has no grounds for any damning accusation, and his case against us fails in the court of heaven.” – page 57

Yes!!  Yes, yes, yes!!  My heart soared as I realized anew that all that guilt piled upon me was not from God.  Satan’s case against me…my case against myself…..fails!!!!

Just because I struggled with all those things does not mean that I was not a Christian.  Real Christians have these struggles with pain and deep anguish.

This book was life changing.  Or rather….the truth contained within it was life changing.  I am so, so thankful that years ago my sister gave it to me and that I kept it.  I am so thankful that I thought of it that day and decided to read it.

-Bonnie

Part One Part Two Part Three
Part Four Part Five Part Six
Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine