I have found myself several times pondering memories.  More specifically, our little Wingman’s memories.

I wonder what moments will be special to him.  What will be impressed on his memory.  What will be the stories he will tell his friends?  What will he fondly recall to his children someday?

I think about the future.  I think about the family trips we want to do.  The trips to the park on weekends.  The memories that we already plan to create.  I think about the memories that we won’t even try to create, but that will be the ones that will mean a lot to him.

Then my thoughts turn to his current memories.   He will most likely remember nothing specific about the next couple years.  But he will remember the love he is shown day to day.  He knows day to day that we love him, take care of him and play with him.  These moments make me smile.  These memories will build and build until he eventually remembers the events that go with them.

Memories begin with moments.  And I treasure these moments we have each day!

-Bonnie

Microsoft Image

Sometimes parenthood really doesn’t go as you expect.

Like when your baby is only a few weeks old and you realize you and your husband have different views on some aspects of parenting, in spite of all the hours of discussion prior to having baby.

Or when you say, “I’ll never stick my kid in front of a TV.  Especially not my baby.”  And then your 5 month old screams every time you put him down but you and your husband have to pack for a trip.

Or when you decide, “I’ll never CIO.” (CIO – a parenting method called Cry It Out.)  And then you are so frustrated you can’t see straight and you are pushing yourself right off the edge and your husband has to intervene otherwise you and/or the baby might get hurt so one night he physically removes the baby from your arms and tucks you into bed.  And you realize that really was what was needed.

Or when you have a goal to breast feed until 9 months or a year.  And then at 8 weeks old, your baby decides that he doesn’t love nursing anymore and you fight and wrestle him for weeks until you have to introduce formula in order to get some nourishment into him  and he continues to cry and squirm and flail and it’s a wrestling match almost every nursing session and you do your best to hang in there and fight to keep nursing until you finally have to realize that it’s over and at 6 months old your baby nurses for the last time.

Or when you say, “I don’t want to put my baby in the church nursery.”  And then you haven’t sat through a full sermon or Bible study in months and you are desperately hungry for the Word and realize that you just might want to try to put your baby in the nursery.

Or what about all those times over the years where you said, “I will not be one of those Moms that talks to their baby in a baby voice.”  Um, yes.  I may or may not do this.

None of those goals were wrong.  In fact, I still stand by them for the most part.  But sometimes….life just doesn’t go as you expected.

The shame sets in.  You are discouraged because you did (or didn’t do) x, y, or z.  You are ashamed when you go into the cry room at church and pull out a bottle of formula as the Mom next to you nurses her much older child.  You hope CIO doesn’t come up in a conversation where you’ll have to admit that you have CIO.  People just don’t understand when you talk about your goals for your child being (or not being) in the nursery.

And here I am preaching to myself as well as my readers.  Don’t be ashamed.  Life is hard.  Parenting is hard.  Motherhood is hard.  Breast feeding is hard.  The exhaustion is hard.

Have goals.  Make goals.  Spend time researching and figuring out what you think is best.  Do all that you can to achieve those goals.  But if something happens and you realize that another decision needs to be made…..or you realize the decision is out of your control….it is okay.  Don’t worry about what the Mom next door will say.  Don’t worry about what your family will say.  Do what is best for your family.  Don’t listen to the voices that will try to tell you that you gave up or you didn’t try hard enough or that you don’t love your child enough.

Don’t give in to the lies!!  God gave your baby to you.  God gave your circumstances to you.  Seek Him as you make and evaluate your goals.  He is the only One you need to please!

-Bonnie

Microsoft Image

I’ve been a Mom for over 7 months now.  Yet I still sometimes look at my sweet son and say, “Whoa.  I’m a MOM.  This is my SON.”  And I am blown away all over again.

Our son is the sweetest little boy.  He just keeps getting cuter and cuter, smarter and smarter. There are definitely overwhelming moments however.  Our little angel baby is very clingy.  For the first six months of his life, he was only happy in Mommy’s arms.  Occasionally he would sit in Daddy’s lap for a little while, but then he would cry for Mommy.  Tummy time lasted about 30 seconds (on a good day) and he had to be VERY asleep before he went in his crib or he would wake up and cry.  Or scream.  Or screech.

At first it was very very difficult.  I was so sleep deprived….absolutely exhausted.  It felt like all he did was cry all day.  He always woke up crying.  I got tired of having him constantly all over me.  There were days where I lived for his nap times and as soon as I shut the door to the nursery I breathed a sigh of relief.  And then I usually would climb back into my own bed for some rest.

The past few weeks he has gotten more mobile (yes, your baby will still meet developmental milestones even if s/he isn’t doing lots of tummy time!) and now he can play by himself anywhere from 5-20 minutes.  Amazing!!!!   And, get this….he even ASKS for Daddy to hold him sometimes!!

He still loves his Mommy though.  Often he will be playing with his toys and look over at me to make sure I’m still there.  If I look back at him and smile, he’ll just grin at me.  Sometimes he will inch or scoot (not quite crawling yet) over to me and just lay a hand on me while he continues to examine a toy.  Other times he will attempt to crawl into my lap.  If he’s sitting next to me, he’ll lean over periodically for a hug and then go back to playing.  Play for 10 seconds, hug, play for 10 seconds, hug, play for 10 seconds…climbs into Mommy’s lap. He loves cuddle time too.  He loves it when I pick him up and hold him against me.  He’ll burrow in and put his head on my shoulder or neck.  Sometimes his little feet will “climb” up my stomach.  And he’ll giggle in my ear.

I love it.

But I’m still blown away.  I’m blown away that I can be a comfort to my son.  That it’s me that makes him feel safe and loved.  That my body brings him comfort and is perfect for cuddles. All of these things remind me that God saw fit to make me a mother.  He knew what my heart would need as encouragement on this path.  Even though the clingy times were/are very rough, it is those moments that encourage my heart so much.  There were so many times when I was younger that I didn’t know if I could bring the kind of comfort to a baby that mothers are supposed to.

God says, “Yes.”  God says that He can and will give me what it takes.  Because He has called me to this. Those moments that are difficult…and I’m sure there are many more to come…are blessings in disguise.

-Bonnie